Change guilt
This is a love note in the form of a story.
Twelve years ago on this day, yes, April Fool’s day, I defended my thesis. “Mapping a Model of Alzheimer’s Caregiver Grief.” It’s a super fun read if you’re ever in the mood, let me know ;)
I put on a new purpley-orchid color shirt because my supremely cool cousin said that color would give me confidence. I took reams of literature references, binders of data, and a glitchy thumb drive with my powerpoint back up onto the light rail and into downtown Denver.
I stumbled over my words, sweated through my shirt, answered the review committee’s questions, and defended my approach and conclusions. And with minor edits, they passed me. They said it was worthy of publishing and would be an asset to a PhD track.
And then I got sick.
Because that was not what I wanted. I had invested all of this effort and alllll of this money and alllll of these days, weeks, and months in something that I didn’t really want after all.
I didn’t want this career. I didn’t want this area of specialty. I didn’t want this as my future.
But I felt this tug of guilt. I felt ungrateful. I felt ashamed. Regret. Lost. Obligation. Trapped. Alone. Floundering.
“Who am I to throw away this investment?”The investment I made in myself was one thing but this had been an investment my husband had made - we uprooted our lives and moved and started fresh. This was an investment from my teachers and mentors who helped me get here because it’s what I had said I wanted to do.
“Am I just supposed to throw it all away?”
This is the sunk-cost fallacy. It’s rooted in a perception of scarcity.
And it’s a trap.
You don’t have to choose any path. You can choose your path. Heck, you create your path.
But like your reasons for what you choose.
If you’re making choices because you feel obligated, guilty, or regret - you do not like your reasons.
It can be hella scary to create your own path, to diverge from the predicted, planned, orchestrated plan. But if you’re doing it for reasons you like - that is fulfillment.
If you want help to find out what you want: Maybe it’s been a long time since you asked yourself that, or maybe it’s been a year, or years, of being in survival mode where you’ve had to focus on just getting by - but now, you’re ready to open up to the possibilities and see what your ambition has evolved into…
Or, if you want help to start carving out more of what you already know is right for you: But it’s requiring some shifts in what you’ve been doing and how things have always been done…
Then join me in the Level Up Membership. Coaching in this program is designed to help you transition into what you want to create in your life. Whatever those goals and visions or inklings are showing you, you are ready for the next step and coaching can help. Join here.
And if you’d like to learn about how to apply the art and science of coaching in your role as a leader, reply to me here. I want to invite you to apply to join me in a 6-month coaching mentorship where you’ll learn the application and practice of coaching as a leader. It is a skillset that will change the way you see the world, the way you connect to people, and the results you’re able to create through your team and in the world. Applications are open until April 30 and we start on June 1.
RECAP
You create your path.
But make sure you like your reasons for whatever you choose.
If your evolution of ambition has you questioning if you should stay the course or what it will mean if you don’t and you’re making choices because you feel obligated, guilty, or regret - you do not like your reasons.
It can be hella scary to create your own path, to diverge from the predicted, planned, orchestrated plan. But if you’re doing it for reasons you like - that is fulfillment.
Connect with Tarah directly
Tarah Keech is a Master Life Coach, a burnout prevention and recovery expert, and has a Master’s degree in Clinical Psychology and a resume of Fortune 100 consulting.
No, she can’t read your mind but she knows how your thoughts work and can help you see them and then use them so you can level up your life personally and professionally.
Basically, she’s a combination of strategist, mentor, and bestie. Except she gives you better advice than your friends do and she teaches you how your brain works so you can take informed action that creates real change.
She helps smart leaders level up their businesses and lives in the Level Up Membership.
And to connect with Tarah directly, complete this form.
